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Would You Like Fries With That? Diana LaPorta, running for a seat on the Volusia County (Fla.) School Board, insists she has a bachelor's degree even though a local newspaper has revealed she earned it at "Hamburger University", a training program for employees of the McDonald's hamburger chain. When asked to clarify her education, LaPorta said "it does say on my diploma that it is a 'degree of bachelor'." (Reuters) ...If she gets on the school board, that may be the only university the kids will be eligible for.

And a Chocolate Shake: Pembroke Pines, Fla., Police Detective Earl Feugill was working undercover at a Checkers fast-food drive-through, waiting to spot the suspects in a rash of restaurant robberies. After waiting 90 minutes dressed as a bush outside the door, Feugill got his quarry -- one adult and three juveniles, armed and wearing masks, as they tried to sneak in a back door. Feugill jumped up with a shotgun, taking the robbers by surprise. "Scottish gamekeepers used these suits to cull their game herds," Feugill said of his camouflage suit. (AP) ...Florida? Maybe that is the one other thing that the kids could do with their LaPorta-defined public educations.

Get Your Goat: Joshua Nkomo, the vice president of Zimbabwe, is rearing more than 100 goats at his official residence. Neighbors have complained, saying it's against city regulations. Meanwhile, police in Brasilia are investigating the death of a goat running for mayor of Pilar -- where it had been leading in the polls. The animal's political supporters have suggested that "Frederico" was assassinated by a political rival. "He had a lot of foam in his mouth," his owner said. (Reuters) ...Foaming at the mouth? Typical politician.

If It's For Me, I'm Not In: Zach Williams, 18, was robbed in Chattanooga, Tenn. He tried to run away and was shot to death. One of the things the robbers stole: his pager. Police, upon learning about the beeper, figured "why not?" and sent it a page. When the murderers returned the cops' call, it was traced to George Morgan, 19, and his cousin Antonio Morgan, 18, who were arrested and charged with murder. (AP) ...Bit by bit, Darwin is being proved right.

Plain Brown Wrapper: British postal carrier Michael Hales, 38 -- and, Reuters was careful to point out, a bachelor -- was convicted and sentenced to a year in jail for stealing some of the mail he was supposed to deliver. Apparently, he learned to recognize the distinctive wrappers used by companies to ship sex toys -- vibrators, condoms, and pornography -- well enough to collect eight mail sacks full. "He has suffered a great deal of embarrassment and shame," his lawyer said. (Reuters) ...Probably not until he got caught.

No Sense of Humor: After reading an illustrated article in The Picture, a local magazine, Richard Face, a member of the Australian parliament, got boiling mad: the article featured a restaurant in Newcastle that has nude chefs to complement their topless waitresses. (Sample: "Kylie, 22, decided to hang her hooters over the hotplate when she got fed up with being a lingerie waitress.") This just "contributes to the image of Newcastle as a sleazy city," MP Dick Face complains. The restaurant's manager says the article was simply a tongue-in-cheek publicity stunt. (Australian AP) ...And thanks to you, Richie, it worked.

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