FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS TO THE PLAYBOY ADVISOR These are some common questions received by the Playboy Advisor. If you need more specific information or advice, please don't hesitate to write (see "How do I contact the Playboy Advisor?"). This FAQ is copyright 1995 by Playboy Enterprises, Inc. and may not be reproduced or retransmitted in any format without the permission of the publisher. HOW LARGE IS THE AVERAGE PENIS? Is there such a thing as an average penis? We prefer to think they're all special. Here are the statistics on erect penis lengths for white college men, in quarter- inch lengths. The Alfred C. Kinsey Institute for Sex Research reviewed the data and found that of the college males it measured (from the point where the penis meets the body along the top to its tip), 0.2 percent checked in at 3.75 inches erect, 0.3 percent at 4 inches, 0.2 percent at 4.25 inches, 1.7 percent at 4.5 inches, 0.8 percent at 4.75 inches, 4.2 percent at 5 inches, 4.4 percent at 5.25 inches, 10.7 percent at 5.5 inches, 8 percent at 5.75 inches, 23.9 percent at 6 inches, 8.8 percent at 6.25 inches, 14.3 percent at 6.5 inches, 5.7 percent at 6.75 inches, 9.5 percent at 7 inches, 1.8 percent at 7.25 inches, 2.9 percent at 7.5 inches, 1 percent at 7.75 inches, 1 percent at 8 inches, 0.3 percent at 8.25 inches, 0.3 percent at 8.5 inches, 0.1 percent at 8.75 inches and 0.1 percent at 9 inches. Convert everything to metrics if you aren't satisfied with your size in inches. For those of you convinced that girth is what it's worth, here are the circumference figures (measuring around the penis): 0.3 percent at 1.5 inches, 0.4 percent at 1.75 inches, 0.4 percent at 2 inches, 0.2 percent at 2.25 inches, 0.3 percent at 2.5 inches, 0.3 percent at 2.75 inches, 0.4 percent at 3 inches, 0.4 percent at 3.25 inches, 0.9 percent at 3.5 inches, 1.1 percent at 3.75 inches, 6.3 percent at 4 inches, 6.3 percent at 4.25 inches. The bulk of the college men were in the next few categories: 17.1 percent measured 4.5 inches, 11.7 percent were 4.75 inches, 24.1 percent were 5 inches, 9.9 percent were 5.25 inches, and 11.5 percent were 5.5 inches. There were a few fire hydrants tossed in: 3 percent at 5.75 inches, 3.9 percent at 6 inches, 0.5 percent at 6.25 inches, 0.5 percent at 6.5 inches and 0.1 percent at 6.75 inches. If you believe all these figures (respondents pulled out their rulers in private), now what? Do you guys realize how hard it is to type that many numbers? It's all right if you have a home computer and nothing better to do with an evening, but that's it for statistics. DOES PENIS SIZE MATTER? J. Scott Verinis, in Medical Aspects of Human Sexuality, suggests that the size of a man's penis initially matters both to the male and the female. "However," he says, "as the relationship progresses, the size of the penis becomes less important to most women, and factors such as the quality of sexual performance and the nature of the interpersonal relationship receive higher priority." The men, however, continue to value the size of the penis at all stages of the relationship. (That makes sense--it's their burden to bear.) So probably the truth is: Size matters to some of the people all of the time and to all of the people some of the time, but not to all of the people all of the time. IS THERE ANY WAY TO MAKE MY PENIS LARGER? First, a word to the wise: Numerous studies have shown that clitoral stimulation- -not the size of the man's penis--is the key to sexual satisfaction in women. If you suspect that you're underendowed (and you're probably not--see the average measurements listed above), see a urologist or an endocrinologist for an examination that can determine whether there is a physiological or hormonal cause for your problem. Many of the products you see advertised make claims that are not only ineffective, they are also potentially dangerous. If you're determined to change the size or shape of your penis, there are surgical methods available that involve either injecting or inserting fat into the penis to increase girth, cutting the suspensory ligament that holds the penis at the pubic bone to increase length, or both. We can't say this enough: Penis enlargement is still controversial among the medical community. The American Urological Association, for one, won't recommend it, noting that injecting or grafting fat ("augmentation phalloplasty") to increase girth or cutting the suspensory ligament of the penis to increase length have "not been shown to be safe or efficacious." Proceed cautiously. IS THERE ANYTHING I CAN DO TO CORRECT A CURVE IN MY PENIS? In the July 1989 issue of Medical Aspects of Human Sexuality, Dr. John Gregory and Michaela Purcell, RN, report that curvature of the penis is an increasingly common ailment. In the Seventies, urologists saw two to three cases a year; nowadays, they see one to two a month. There is some evidence that Peyronie's disease (which causes curvature of the penis) runs in families, but perhaps the majority of cases of acquired curvature are the result of trauma. The initial accident may be minor, but as the injury heals, scar tissue forms and deformation results. The curvature often becomes less severe within six months but seldom straightens completely. The authors do not recommend rushing into therapy unless the curvature actually interferes with intercourse. In the past, doctors have treated the condition with vitamin E, ultrasound, aminobenzoate potassium and steroid and collagenase injections. However, current opinion holds that any changes observed were the result of natural improvement. In severe cases, surgery can straighten (and consequently shorten) the penis. In the worst cases, doctors can perform a penile implant. Our advice: See if the situation improves over time. If not, check with a doctor. IS THERE ANY WAY TO PREVENT PREMATURE EJACULATION? Got a minute? Sex researchers Masters and Johnson found it's possible to recondition sexual responses. They developed the squeeze technique, by which a man--working closely with his partner--can learn to exercise control over his ejaculation. Simply put, when the woman feels that her partner is becoming aroused, she puts her first and second fingers just above and below the coronal ridge (imagine holding a cigar) and her thumb on the underside of the penis. She applies pressure for about four seconds front to back, never side to side. The mistake most novices make is to wait until the man is experiencing ejaculatory inevitability (pulling his hair out, bouncing like the springs of a flat- bed truck, shadow-boxing with the big one). Rather, you use the squeeze throughout the foreplay--before insertion. Once you've mastered this, you can switch to a basilar squeeze technique, in which either the man or the woman slows his excitement by squeezing the base of his penis (again, front to back) for about four seconds. Here's another method that doesn't involve a partner: In her book "PE: How to Overcome Premature Ejaculation," Dr. Helen Singer Kaplan describes a start- stop method that will teach you the sensations of orgasm and what it feels like just before you come. When you masturbate, "stop stimulating yourself when you reach a high level of arousal, near orgasm. Stop for a few seconds--not long enough to lose your erection but long enough for your excitement to go down a little. Then start the rhythmic stroking of the shaft and tip of your penis again. Interrupt three times. Let yourself come on the fourth time as fast and as freely as you can. During this whole experience, try to concentrate on your pleasurable penile sensations. Do not try to hold back." The method involves moving onto a wet masturbatory technique (using petroleum jelly or soapsuds) to simulate the vagina. You focus on your own sensations, learn to stop and then to let go. To make this easier, Kaplan suggests learning to rate your sexual arousal: "Rate the degree of your sexual excitement (not your erection) on a subjective scale that runs from zero to ten. Zero is when you are feeling absolutely no excitement at all and ten is when you reach orgasm. You should have been stopping penile stimulation when you were at about eight and a half. If you tried to go until nine and a half, you went a bit too far, and if you stopped at four or five, you ended the stimulation a bit too soon. Remember, the aim of this program is not to keep your excitement down until you want to come. That is no fun at all, and besides, that doesn't work. The objective is for you to learn not to ejaculate while staying at the intensely pleasurable sexual plateau stage that precedes orgasm and to be able to relish the delicious sensations of being highly aroused instead of trying to hold back. During intercourse, most men stay somewhere between five and seven, except for brief peaks of eight or so, until they are ready to go all the way." The scale is useful for gauging your behavior during intercourse. For example, if you reach an eight and a half during foreplay, don't try to penetrate. Let yourself cool down (refrain from rubbing or thrusting against your partner's body). The pace you adopt to keep yourself at six may be just the kind of luxurious lovemaking your partner desires most. And here's more: In an article in Medical Aspects of Human Sexuality, Daniel Weiss and Dr. David Marcotte suggest that by learning to relax the pubococcygeus muscle (the muscle used to control urination), a man can avoid premature ejaculation. The authors believe that the method is superior to the squeeze technique invented by Masters and Johnson because it does not require partner cooperation or interruption of the lovemaking. We don't know of any gyms devoted to the relaxation response, but two experiments by Raymond Rosen suggest the shape of things to come. Rosen hooked up 40 male students to a red light and had them listen to a recording of pornography. The light would go on whenever the student got an erection and go off whenever he quelled the erection. Students soon learned to go from full erection to half-mast at will and were better at doing so than those who had not been hooked up to the light. In a related experiment, Rosen told students to try to increase the size of their erections--an orange light would change intensity according to size. By the end of the study, students who were guided by the light were able to turn on at will. Rig up something yourself and work out. HOW CAN I TELL WHEN A WOMAN REACHES ORGASM? A woman's orgasm can be a mystery, in part because we've been conditioned to expect the wrong things. When you're looking for a kind of body-thrashing frenzy enacted on the big screen, it's easy to miss the real thing. The fact is that men's and women's orgasms are remarkably similar: a quickening of breath, a momentary suspension of movement at the onset of the orgasmic rush, and genital muscle contractions. A woman's contractions can be felt with a finger placed on the anus or the mouth of the vagina (or the area between the two). In some women, continued stroking of these areas during orgasm leads to further arousal and greater satisfaction, which, in turn, leads to more sex. Ah, we do love the notion of cause and effect. DO SOME WOMEN EJACULATE WHEN THEY HAVE AN ORGASM? Welcome to the debate: it's been going on for centuries. When a woman becomes excited, the walls of the vagina secrete a fluid--it is the first sign of coital readiness. Kinsey, confronting the female-ejaculation question, concluded that "muscular contractions of the vagina following orgasm may squeeze out some of the genital secretions and in a few cases eject them with some force. This is frequently referred to, particularly in the deliberately erotic literature, as an ejaculation in the female, but the term cannot be strictly used in that connection." Havelock Ellis, years earlier, found that some women become so excited during gynecological examinations that they produced an ejaculation of fluid "sometimes described as being emitted in a jet which is thrown to a distance." (Next thing you know, they'll be able to write their names in the snow.) The German physician E. Grafenberg noted that cases of involuntary expulsion of urine sometimes accompanied orgasm, but in the cases he observed, the fluid was examined and "it had no urinary character." (Many researchers believe that female ejaculate is caused by stimulation of a G spot-- "G" being short for Grafenberg--a small, bean-shaped mass of nerve tissue reputedly located about halfway between the back of the pubic bone and the tip of the cervix. However, other medical experts doubt the G spot actually exists, or is present in every woman.) Fifteen years ago, in The Journal of Sex Research, J.L. Sevely and J.W. Bennett reviewed all of the literature on female ejaculation from Aristotle to Masters and Johnson. They concluded that the female possesses glands similar to the male prostate (the male prostrate secretes the fluid that constitutes much of the male ejaculate). The female prostate glands are located near the opening of the urethra and apparently produce a fluid during intercourse. In most cases, this fluid mingles with normal lubricating fluids, but apparently in some women, it is more pronounced. The authors conclude that the subject needs more research. We agree. Dr. Watson, fetch your flashlight and magnifying glass. IS IT TRUE THAT WOMEN WHO SHAVE THEIR PUBIC HAIR HAVE LONGER ORGASMS? If hairless vaginas guaranteed better orgasms, why would any woman stop at a bikini wax? The simple answer: Results vary. Some women find shaving their pubic hair transforms them into heightened sexual beings (cross your fingers), in part because it exposes the mons veneris (Latin for "Mound of Venus," after the Roman goddess of love), the sensitive area just above the labia. Stimulation of the mons drives many women wild--even more so if there's not a wall of hair in the way. Other women, freshly shaved, suffer from the worst discomfort they've ever felt as it grows back. Should your lover decide to try it, use blunt- nose scissors to trim her hair to about a quarter-inch, then invite her to take a shower with you to help open her pores. Apply shaving cream formulated for sensitive skin, and use an adjustable head razor and gentle, light strokes. Naturally, you should be especially careful around her labia (if she's nervous, hand over the razor and let her finish the job). Once the hair is removed, apply moisturizer, towel it off, purr like a kitten and do a final once-over with your tongue. HOW CAN I HELP MY GIRLFRIEND HAVE AN ORGASM? Many women have difficulty climaxing during intercourse because of a lack of sufficient clitoral stimulation. (Several studies have reported that only 30 to 45 percent of women regularly climax during coitus.) The recommended cure for lack of orgasm is simple: self-help. Your girlfriend should teach herself to climax--via vibrators, or shower massage units or her own hand. Then she should take that knowledge to bed with her. Dr. Mary Jane Gray, writing in Medical Aspects of Human Sexuality, reports that "apart from matters of technique, orgasm requires the trust which allows a complete loss of control. It may be that such loss of control is too much for a particular woman and that she pulls back from impending orgasm. She needs to recognize that the genital sensations of pleasure and pain can be very close together and learn to relax into them rather than to analyze them." There may be another solution. Two researchers in Nebraska studied 281 women who were unable to experience orgasm during intercourse and found that they had poor vaginal muscles--specifically, the pubococcygeus muscle, the one a woman clenches to control urination. The pubococcygeus muscle does not receive a lot of exercise in the normal state of affairs. Isometrics (contracting the muscle for ten seconds at a time, several times a day) may remedy the problem. There's no explanation for the relation between fitness and fun, but if it gets results, who cares? IS MASTURBATION NORMAL? Masturbation is a perfectly normal function at all ages to relieve sexual tension or simply as nature's way of teaching eye-hand coordination. No accurate statistics are available, of course, but it's been estimated that 90 to 95 percent of all men and perhaps 85 percent or more of all women masturbate or have done so. There is no evidence that masturbation is dangerous to a normal and healthy person. As for frequency, that depends on the individual. For many men, daily--or twice daily--masturbation puts no real strain on the body, while others may feel far less need or desire. As long as you don't experience discomfort and your normal sexual functioning with a partner doesn't suffer, chances are your rate isn't excessive. If there is a danger to masturbation, it's that it tends to condition a man to ejaculate quickly, which can cause problems when he's with a woman and wants to prolong her pleasure. Otherwise, most taboos and fears about the subject simply aren't valid. WHERE IS THE BEST PLACE TO MEET WOMEN? According to one study, five places to meet the "right woman" are: a friend's home, evening class, work, a religious gathering and, lastly, a night spot. We feel the best way to meet women in bars is to go with a male friend; the companionship bolsters your confidence and you're more likely to meet women who go out in pairs. For years, we've also suggested readers pursue activities to increase their chances of meeting women with whom they'll have something in common. Athletic? Go to a gym, or enter a marathon. Literate? Go to a bookstore. Musical? Browse at the local CD emporium. Remember, there are plenty of women out there. You must believe you have something of value to offer the opposite sex. How you relate to your female friends is important; sometimes, friendship grows into something exciting. However, if shyness is a problem for you, there are self-help books and videos that can help. Counseling is also an option. You need to appear confident, act assertive and display a sense of humor. When you feel ready to take on a relationship, make changes in your life. Some possibilities: Take up an activity you've long wanted to pursue, buy a pet (walking dogs is a good way to meet women), be alert to opportunities in ordinary places (such as laundromats and supermarkets), join a group with interests similar to yours, get involved with volunteer work, spruce up your appearance (new hairstyle, new clothes or trips to the gym can make anyone feel better about himself), smile a lot and compliment others. Be comfortable talking about yourself and your interests, yet be a good listener as well. Good luck. HOW DO YOU TELL A FEMALE FRIEND THAT YOU'RE INTERESTED IN A RELATIONSHIP? Invite her to lunch--or better yet, dinner--and after dessert, try to explain your feelings to her. Don't get too heavy or move too quickly, but let her know that you feel a certain attraction for her. If you have a solid relationship, it most likely won't be jeopardized by your effort. A woman who can handle a compliment will be flattered, and she'll let you know frankly whether she views you only as a friend or as something more. You'll never know unless you try--or unless she's thinking the same thing and asks you to dinner first. WHAT IS THE BEST WAY TO MEND A BROKEN HEART? First, when you find yourself thinking about your ex, focus on what you disliked about him or her, as in: At least I don't have to deal with that anymore. Second, find a friend and have some fun--even if you don't really want to. Go to movies, ball games, concerts or plays. Try something you've always wanted to do but never quite got around to: sailing, scuba diving, windsurfing, a gourmet cooking class--whatever. Such diversions won't kill all your pain, but distractions help-- and who knows who you'll meet when you step out of your daily routine and try something different? Third, have a few flings. Forget about finding Mr. or Ms. Right; for a couple of months, concentrate on amusing yourself with Mr. or Ms. Right Now. Banish from your mind all thoughts of anything heavy or serious. Just enjoy some close encounters of the intense but brief kind. MY WIFE NEVER SEEMS TO WANT TO HAVE SEX AS OFTEN AS I DO. IS THAT NORMAL? One study during the Seventies asked men how frequently they desired sex-- and we doubt things have changed that much since. The results: 13 percent wanted sex more than once a day; 26 percent wanted it five to seven times a week; 35 percent wanted it three or four times a week; 18 percent wanted it once or twice a week; 6 percent wanted it two or three times a month; 2 percent wanted it once a month or less. (The rest of the sample was dead.) A separate study asked women how frequently they desired sex: 30 percent wanted it once a day or more; 16 percent wanted it three to five times a week; 16 percent wanted it two to three times a week; 15 percent, once or twice a week; 1 percent, three or four times a month; 7 percent simply answered "often" and 9 percent said it varied. We tend to rely on numbers when they show the variety of human sexual behavior, not when they indicate norms. Why would anyone want to be normal? I'M 19 AND I THINK ABOUT SEX ALL THE TIME. AM I OBSESSED? You're normal. Sexual thoughts are so common they can't be called an obsession. Studies cited in The Kinsey Institute New Report on Sex asked men, "Has sex crossed your mind in the last five minutes?" Half of those in their late teens said yes. Fourteen percent said that sex was the central focus of their thoughts. By the age of 40, only 20 percent of men said they had thought about sex during the past five minutes. Aging's not pretty. Dr. Paul Cameron at the University of Louisville once tested about 3100 subjects and determined that the idea of sex crosses the healthy young mind every ten minutes. Hmm. Our watch is a little slow today. ARE THERE ANY PHOTO LABS THAT WILL DEVELOP PHOTOS THAT CONTAIN NUDITY WITHOUT A HASSLE? We suggest you check with nearby independent film processors and minilab chains for information about their censorship policies. Studios that have in- house processing and work frequently with professional photographers are likely to have progressive attitudes about nude photographs. However, even these firms may impose restrictions on photos depicting explicit sexual acts or anything that depicts illegal activity such as child porn. If you can't find a local developer, try mail order firms such as Fast Forward Express (800-477-2212), which promises complete privacy and does not censor or keep copies of your photos, or Greensboro Photo Center (910-855-7883), which did a booming business during the Gulf war developing nudes of wives and girlfriends that were sent to the front. If all else fails, the International Minilab Association (800- 262-4419) may be able to make a referral. HOW CAN WE FIND A NUDE BEACH OR RESORT? Contact the Naturist Society, P.O. Box 132, Oshkosh, WI 54902 (414-426-5009). Lee Baxandall, the society's president, compiles a regularly updated "World Guide to Nude Beaches and Resorts," which is available from the society for $32, postpaid. The society also lobbies to preserve laws that allow for nude beaches (as of early 1995, proposed legislation in California and Florida would outlaw them). Another source is the American Association for Nude Recreation, 1703 North Main Street, Suite E, Kissimmee, FL 34744-3396; phone 800-879- 6833 for a free information packet that includes a brief listing of nude recreation clubs by state. The association also sells the "North American Guide to Nude Recreation" for $29.95, postpaid. DOES PLAYBOY BUY OLD ISSUES FROM READERS? No, we have enough of our own. If you own issues of Playboy dated pre-1964 that you would like to sell, write Douglas Tracy at the Centerfold Shop, 1220 23rd Street, Suite 200, San Diego, CA 92102 USA. Tracy specializes in issues from the Fifties and early Sixties, which he buys as well as sells. He is an independent collector and conducts business by mail order correspondence only. Tracy is not affiliated with our company, but has been an avid Playboy collector and dealer since 1968. You can also write the Playboy Collectors Association, c/o Tom Bonner, P.O. Box 653, Phillipsburg, MO 65722-0653 USA. If you wish to sell issues of Playboy from the Sixties to the present, we suggest you consult owners of used book and magazine stores in your area. Due to the weight and shipping costs involved, you might consider placing a classified ad in your local newspaper. You can also try the Usenet group alt.mag.playboy or the Playboy listserv (to subscribe, send mail to Playboy-request@mosaic.playboy.com with the word "subscribe" on the Subject line). HOW CAN I WRITE MY FAVORITE PLAYMATE? Send your letter (remember to include a return address) to : Miss c/o Playmate Promotions 9242 Beverly Boulevard Beverly Hills, CA 90210 If Playboy is unable to forward your mail, it will return the letter to you marked "Return to Sender, Unable to Forward." You should also be careful about what you send. If you want a Playmate to autograph a copy of the magazine, make sure you don't send your only one, as once Playboy forwards it, it's in the hands of the U.S. Postal Service (enough said). Each request for an autograph or letter to a Playmate should be sent separately. If you're asking for a response, enclose a self-addressed, stamped envelope. Unfortunately, Playboy cannot forward mail to other celebrities or models who appear in the magazine. HOW CAN MY WIFE OR GIRLFRIEND POSE FOR PLAYBOY? Applicants for Playmate or Newsstand Specials should send Playboy recent color photographs of themselves, preferably nudes. The photos should be prints, Polaroids or transparencies and show a variety of poses, including full figure and face shots. The editors would also like information about the applicant, such as height, weight, measurements, occupation and hobbies. Playmate and Newsstand Special applicants must be at least 18 years old and proof of age must be submitted with your photos. This should be in the form of photocopies of two pieces of identification. Only the following will be accepted: driver's license, passport, birth certificate, Social Security card or identification issued by state of residence. One ID must have a current photograph and list your date of birth. The individual submitting the photos to Playboy, if other than the applicant, may be eligible to receive a finder's fee upon publication of the feature. A finder's fee is paid at Playboy's discretion. Send all Playmate candidate photos to the Playmate Editor at Playboy in Chicago (680 North Lake Shore Drive, 60611) or Santa Monica, CA (Playboy Studio West, 2112 Broadway Avenue, 90404). Send all Newsstand Special candidate photos to Playboy Newsstand Specials, 680 North Lake Shore Drive, Chicago, IL 60611 USA. All materials will be returned once a decision has been reached. Expect a response in about eight weeks. HOW DO I CONTACT THE PLAYBOY ADVISOR? The Advisor will personally answer all reasonable questions, from fashion, food and drink, stereo and sports cars to dating problems, taste and etiquette as long as you enclose a stamped, self-addressed envelope to receive a snail mail reply. Write the Playboy Advisor, Playboy, 680 North Lake Shore Drive, Chicago, IL 60611. The most provocative, pertinent questions will be presented in the magazine each month. -end- This document is copyright 1995 Playboy Enterprises Inc. It is intended for the personal use of visitors to the Playboy Home Page and readers of Playboy Magazine and may not be reproduced or redistributed without permission of Playboy Enterprises Inc. Version 1.0 January 1996