Let's Get Personal

by Lisa D. Bentsen, MSW

Reprinted from Q Magazine, August 1993

Courtship was quite different when our Grandparents were single. They simply attended the nearest church social, met a boy/girl, fell in love, got married and lived happily ever after. Easy as sipping mint juleps on an August afternoon.

In the '70s and '80s, single bars replaced the church social hall. Friday night pick-ups were exciting adventures in disco dancing and posing the standard question, "What's your sun sign?" Today's singles face a quagmire of social restrictions and reali stic concerns. Work-place romances are taboo, ask Anita Hill. If you're over 30, bars are out. Thanks in part to the media and hosts of self-help books, most modern singles have enough awareness training sessions to qualify for a degree. They know tha t

frequent lounge lizards may be chronic drinkers and hazardous to their health. So, what's a respectable, intelligent, single to do?

For the past 20 years, university researchers have looked at what makes some couples able to survive the "slings and arrows of outrageous" matrimony while others whither at the first puff of ill wind. The general consensus is that chemistry, while a nece ssary element of glue, should not be the deciding factor when choosing a life mate. Compatibility is the real secret to relationship longevity.

Most singles place low priority on selecting dates based on similarity of interests, personality, habits and goals. Some believe, if you're breathing, you're a good candidate. While chemistry creates exciting beginnings, it doesn't carry enough weight t o fuse a couple into a bonded union.

Match-making services offer singles the opportunity to find like minded others who share not only a conscious desire to meet but a significant number of common characteristics. Rather than the hit and miss approach of personals, and the hidden costs of 9 00 numbers, singles who bravely risk registering with a service are often surprised at the accuracy, quality and volume of people to whom they are introduced.

When shopping for a service, keep in mind the inverse relationship of dollars to clients. The higher the cost the fewer people on the data base. The lower the cost, the more singles registered. The formula for success lies in numbers. The more people you meet, the greater your odds of finding both compatibility and chemistry. Happy Searching!

Lisa Bentsen, MSW will answer questions on love, romance relationships and dating in the '90s. Address your question to

Single Search National
13176 N Dale Mabry
Suite 202
Tampa, FL 33618