Of A Single Mind

by Julie S. Bettinger

Reprinted from Tallahasee Magazine, February 1994

LOOKING FOR LOVE

Although there are people who are happily single, like Crosby, the majority are still looking for Mr. or Ms. Right -- and they're working hard at finding that significant other.

Lisa Bentsen, co-owner of Single Search, a Tallahassee-based mail order and computerized matchmaking service, says it can be frustrating to be single when it's not by choice. There's pressure from all sides, internal and external alike.

"Each day it gets more difficult to be single," Bentsen says. " The media keeps telling you what not to do -- not what to do. Singles become so fearful, they don't do anything."

So what's the recipe for finding that significant other?

Bentsen has studied the predicament of singles long enough to have boiled it down to a science: "By my estimation, you need to meet about 40 people before you come up with a winning combination of compatibility and chemistry," she says.

That means you have to be willing to take risks. The approaches she endorses to make those risks qualified is using matchmaking services, the classified ads (that's how she met her husband), and gatherings of singles clubs.

"We have lots of clients meeting a lot of appropriate and compatible people and doing entertaining things," Bentsen says. Her service brings people together to increase the odds. "That enhances your self-esteem and keeps your social skills shar p," she says. "That way, when the right person comes along, you know how to handle it."

TODAY'S MATCHMAKING METHOD

Some people bristle at the idea of an introduction service.

"Once upon a time, using a matchmaking service might have suggested somehow you were out of the mainstream," Bentsen admits. "That has changed. These days, it's the smart singles who are shopping the services, and going out to club (activities) and dances to meet other singles."

Her experience proves the popularity. Started only two years age, Single Search is now the largest computerized matchmaking system in the Southeast.

One of the reasons Single Search has been so successful, Bentsen explains, is the tool they use to help people identify themselves and what they're looking for.

"Our application form is an awareness experience for people," she says. "It helps individuals to focus on the components that make them unique." It's a much more accurate matching method than a person's voice on a recording describing themselves, she says.

It's hit or miss otherwise. Too many people today rely on chemistry to find the right mate, but there's so much more that goes into creating a quality, lasting relationship. "Chemistry's great, but let's make sure you're compatible first, then l et the chemistry go to work," Bentsen advises.

The Single Search system is pretty scientific. It has 350 items of compatibility built into it. The computer scans and evaluates matches and refers those with 60 percent match or better.

What about costs? General membership for six months' worth of referrals is $50. Clients typically receive five to seven brief descriptions of matches per month. Complete profiles can be ordered for $5 each.

Those who prefer a counseling element and additional assistance can join Single Search as "Enhance" members, and pay $300. Bentsen works closely with Enhance clients to get the right match -- often suggesting ways to increase the odds and acceler ate the process.

PLAYING WITH MATCHES

Single Search's success rate is hard to measure -- as not everyone is looking for a long-term relationship -- but Bentsen readily volunteers stories of those who have matched up and married to illustrate how the service can work for those frustrated wit h single life.

One woman, who lives just outside of Tallahassee, is in her 60s. She had signed up as an "Enhance" client, working directly with Bentsen to find a match.

Because of the low ration of men in the woman's age group, Bentsen suggested placing an ad in an upscale singles magazine. She then screened prospects over the telephone, before referring them to her single client.

It happened that the woman's "perfect match" had been collecting his friend's mail, and saw the magazine. Flipping through, he read the ad and replied. The two began corresponding, met in person, then dated for six months. They married last Apr il.

What was unusual about the story, says Bentsen, was that the client not only was fishing in a small pool of prospects, she also had stringent criteria. That's a valuable score for the matching service.

Aware that the service is not for everyone, Bentsen says the most important thing for single people is to "stay out there." She highly recommends Parents Without Partners for those who have children and says singles clubs are also a good option.

Being single doesn't have to be work, it seems. Taking the more playful approach -- including recreational activities and dancing -- seems to be the preferred option among Tallahassee singles.

Julie S. Bettinger is a full-time feature and marketing communications writer.