This is something one of my friends and I put together for our Sixth Form magazine.

Written driving test

1. When approaching a corner, you should always try to:

a) Slow down,

b) Speed up,

c) Brake suddenly,

d) Change into reverse,

e) Shut your eyes.

2. What is the braking distance at 40mph?

a) 2.5mm,

b) 12 inches,

c) 80 feet,

d) 7 miles,

e) 15 light years.

3. What is the name of the cap fitted on each tyre?

a) The hubcap,

b) The petrol cap,

c) The kneecap,

d) The polar icecap,

e) The Dutch cap.

4. What procedure must be followed before making any manoeuvre?

a) Mirror, signal, manoeuvre,

b) Manoeuvre, signal, mirror,

c) Mirror, mirror, mirror,

d) Mirror, brake, laugh maniacally, die,

e) Mirror, notice Panzer mark IV tank in rear view mirror, panic, close eyes, pray.

5. When approaching a roundabout, you should:

a) Indicate right, then left when you reach the exit you want,

b) Swear loudly, and drive through the middle,

c) Screech to a halt, get out of the car, and start to cry.

6. You are driving at night on a motorway when the engine stops. You should:

a) Take off all your clothes and run into the road to try and attract attention,

b) Kick the bonnet and shout “come on you *******!” at it,

c) Panic.

7. You are driving at 40mph when an old lady steps out in front of you. You should:

a) Wind down the window, laugh maniacally, and run her over,

b) Swerve to one side, `accidentally' killing a group of schoolchildren,

c) Stop.

8. You are 5m from a traffic light when it turns amber. You should:

a) Mutter “Bugger it”, and accelerate,

b) Apply the brake gently and wait for it to turn green,

c) Screech to a halt, causing a multiple pileup behind you.

Updated 29/5/98 by JWES