Round Cow Stories

Nothing better to do with your time? Don't wanna get a life? Great! Spend some time here. By using the mail forms below, you can send us a sentence or two to help develop one of these round-cow stories. About once a week we'll check out the most recent suggestions and add the best to the on-going tail (woops) tale.

Participation is open to anyone of any age. Please note that if you decide to send in a story section, it will become the property of Gateway 2000, Inc. to use as we want.

Once Upon a Time

1. Mr. Worm (Wormy for short), and his big round eyes, slithered his tired purple and grey body up to the huge wooden doors. "Should I turn back to the darkening forest, or knock on the massive black and white entrance," Wormy thought.

2. Well, worms aren't well known for turning around, so Mr. Worm decided to knock on the door with the strange black and white patches. Their was only one problem, Wormy did not have hands to knock with.

3. So Wormy slithered off to an old oak tree to find a tight fitting acorn to use for a helmet. He slid his head in and headed for the huge black and white door.

4. The acorn helmet kept slipping from side to side as Wormy slitherd and inched his way back to the huge cow spotted door. Wormy's head began to swell as the helmet clanged and banged into his brain, and soon the helmet was snug on the slug. Back at the door, Wormy inched up to his fullest height, swayed backward then snapped forward with all his worm driven might. BAM! His helmeted head banged into the door! CREEEAAAKKK! The door opened slightly.

5. The world spun for a moment, but Wormy's head quickly cleared. Realizing that his moment of oportunity was here, he quickly slipped into the dark and foreboding interior beyond the door.

6. All of a sudden, Lights came on, and people started coming in. Wormy thought, "Wow! What a busy place. There has to be something here for me". He watched as friendly folks packed strange things into holstein colored boxes.

7. Wormy was right: one of the people has brought a lunch bag, and Wormy could smell what was in it from here:_an apple! (Yes, worms do have noses -- you should have_known that). Yet Wormy's hopes were all but dashed_when he saw the bag being set atop a high, high shelf (actually, it was just two feet off the ground, but_that's a long ways when you're only about five inches long). "How am I ever going to get up there?" thought our brave little hero.

8. Wormy stood on his tippie toes. It was no use. But he had to get the apple! (That's worm instinct, you know.) So he sat down and tried to think, his acorn helmet hitting the wall.

9. Then a lady that had a terrible fear of worms saw Wormy and screamed, "A WORM! AAAAAHHHHH!" She turned and ran, screaming, and in her panic, accidentally ran into the shelf, knocking it over. Everybody was to busy with their work that at first, they didn't hear her screaming and didn't know what was going on. So they all paniced because of the screaming lady and all fled for their lives out of the building. Then Wormy, noticing that everybody had left, spotted the lunchbag laying on the floor, and went over to it. He got the apple, and ate until he couldn't eat anymore. So now he lays there asleep, until the people notice that it was nothing to panic about and come back to work.

10. Poor Wormy with his naive faith in the good nature of mankind! Even now the panicked people are counting votes in the conference room whether to kill him by pesticide or lure him to a soggy death in a shallow bowl of cooled coffee grounds. Wormy squirms. A shadow falls across the lunchbag on the floor.

11. Wormy saw the shadow on the floor and looked up to see thirty people walking toward him carrying a coffee pot. "Here little worm, worm, worm. Would you like some nice hot coffee?" Fortunately, when everyone fled the building, someone knocked over a potted plant, and it is only ten feet away.

12. Wormy knew he was in trouble and thought back to his days as a young worm. He remembered the wise old worm who had taught Wormy special powers. But wormy had never used these powers before because the wise old worm made it clear that the powers were only to be used in extreme circumstances. Thinking quickly, wormy realised it was a matter of life or death. Muttering a few curses and whining in a special way, wormy transformed himself into a giant worm and towered over the people below him.

13. Wishing now he had never passed through the tempting black and white doors, Wormy now found himself in yet another terrible position. The shocking trans- formation from small to gigantic caused one of the ladies to drop the coffee pot, spreading tiny slivers of glass all over the floor.

14. As Wormy stared at the broken glass in his way, he had another idea. Suddenly, he muttered a few words, and now was a black and white worm. Then, all the people there bowed to him. As they cleaned up the coffee pot glass for Wormy, he knew just what he was going to do next.

15. He place the tiny worm crown the people had given him on his tiny worm head and said... "Aaaaaaaaa... this is more like it." When suddenly, bullet walked in, and seekng the apple while not noticing Wormy, ate it. Now Wormy was where no worm had gone before.

16. Wormy sat (as well as a worm can sit) in the inky blackness, pondering his options. "I'm a smart worm. I know there's only one way out of this mess. I'll just have to sit and wait while I get digested. I hope it doesn't take too long. I was really enjoying being a god."

17. While Wormy sat inside one of Bullet's many stomachs, he thought,"What will happen when I am digested? Will I still be inside the cabin or will I find myself in a grassy field where there is lots of dirt? Well, being head of the Cow empire was great, but I really miss the family back home and Mom's great dirt pie.

18. Suddenly Wormy's surroundings started to shake. "What's going on here", Wormy asked? All of a sudden Wormy felt a flow of liquid sweep him in an upward position, and he flew out of Bullet's mouth, right into a big dirt pile.

19. Slam! Right into the dirt pile he went head first, ah, neck first, ah worm head on neck first (or something like that). At first wormy thought he was home but then he realized that it was not a dirt pile at all. It was far from that, it was, oh no, it was a bird's nest and wormy could see a mother robin headed his way. What would he do, what could he do, what would happend to him?? Was he doomed to be just another fine feathered friend's snack or would he survive to become the worm czar?

20. All of a sudden Wormy realized that he was not alone! Looking around he saw four wide open hungry mouths. They were the baby robins - and hungry ones at that. Closer and closer came the biggest, meanest, most hungry one of all. Just as the monster was about to swallow him whole, mother robin arrived and said, "Stop!" Mother robin recognized Wormy as the one who had saved her life one day as she was out looking for food for the babies. It seems that mother robin was about to scoop up a foreign bug from the apple tree that was infested with the disease called "Applepandidest." and Wormy, just in the nick of time yelled to her, "Shu fly fly and Applepandidest" or something like that and mother robin had flown away.

21. The robin decided it must quickly take our little hero out of the nest quickly and into a place where it had seen many worms together. In a place that birds could not pick him up even. He remembered just the place, and quickly took him to this place where he dropped him to his new home behind a tackle shop in a bin called "worms $1.00 a scoop".

22. Wormy thought he was in worm heaven and had started up a conversation with a cute little nightcrawler who said her name was Squirmette. Just then a man with a filthy hat covered with little things that looked like hooks with feathers and other things attached picked up a scoop. Wormy and Squirmette found themselves in a plastic container with a lid slipped into the man's vest.

23. Well, the shaking and rolling around of Wormy and Squirmette's new home eventually caused the worms to fall unconscious. What seemed like hours later, Wormy woke up to Squirmette's pointy tail prodding him in the face. "Wake up! Wake up!" pleaded Squirmette. "I think we're going home!" And where a fingerprint had smudged the crusted mud off the side of the container, Wormy found a window to look outside. What he saw amazed him! Green leaves high above! Giant trees flying by them as they were propelled forward in this strange human's motor vehicle! And, oh, he and Squirmette saw it at the same time: inches and inches of brown, crusty leaves carpeting the floor of a virtual forest! HOME, he thought. Now, all he and Squirmette had to do was find a way to get out of this plastic trap!

24. Just then the motor coach they had been riding in came to a screeching stop. The man with the filthy hat picked them up and started carrying them somewhere when all of a sudden they fell to the ground and the roof to their new home broke off and went flying through the air and Wormy and Squirmette went rolling down a big hill. Squirmette said to Wormy, "Where are we?" "I dont know," replied Wormy, "but it is awfully bright and hot here. We had better find some shade." So Wormy and Squirmette crawled on down the hill till they came to some water.

Twice Upon a Time

1. Well, for heaven's sake, she thought, it's happened again. What on earth was a perfectly nice Holstein like her doing in the library of a New York penthouse--for the second time too!

2. Holly (the holstien) hated that feeling of Deja Moo. She thought of all her friends back at the dairy farm.

3. It was the gentle touch of his nose that brought Holly back to the moment, clearing her head of all thoughts, that is, other than, "Now I remember!", which had to happen if it were Deja Moo. Holt (undoubtably a VIC) gently nudged Holly towards an exquisite candlelit feeder as he had planned.

4. As Holly enjoyed the lavish meal of rolled oats, cracked corn, wheat, and molasses, Holt gently ran his tounge up the side of Holly's neck, towards her ear. Holt, being a Very Important Cow, or Bull as the case may be, whispered sweet nothings into Holly's ear. "I can make you a star", he said.

5. A Star!!! I've always wanted to be a star!! You know I had a cousin who once jumped over the moon. She was messing around with some wierd cat and fiddle. I hope you are for real.... You're not just trying to make up to me are you?

6. Of course not, Holly. I'm a bull and not into horsing around. That would be udderly ridiculous. I want to put you on the big screen. I'll make you a moooovie star. I have this part that would be perfect for you... the leading role in "Pastures of Dreams."

7. Holly could not believe that this could be happening to her, a little ol' Holsten from South Dakota. With great enthusiasm she said "This should be a lot of fun! When do we start? Tell me more about the moooovie. I will be the leading cow, won't I?

8. Holt nodded his head and smiled cow-like. "Of course, you don't think I'd go to all this trouble to bring you here if I didn't think you were worth it." Of course Holt knew that just the week before he told the same thing to Bessy, the Bovine from Texas that made his horns curl. Happy with what she heard, Holly turned back and resumed eating her meal. Holt stood back and watched her in the candlelight. Holly, finished her meal and smiled at Holt. Her tail swishing to and fro softly. Thinking about her friends back home in South Dakota, Holly suddenly became homesick. She wondered if she were really a Moooovie star, would her friends forget her and moooove on to better pastures?

9. Of course he friends wouldn't forget her! They are her friends. She can still be with them and be in the moooovie where the grass is always greener. Can't she?

10. Hmmm...greener grass...Images and thoughts Holly never dreamed before began to fill her mind. Stop!, she ordered herself...but the experience was not altogether unpleasant. She noticed, for the first time, how small the penthouse library was, actually, compared to...Stop! Holt, sensing her change, moooved in.

11. "Not having second thoughts, are you? Holly, baby, this is your chance of a lifetime. This isn't some cow-pie-in-the-sky dream; this is the real veal!" Holly pondered, chewing her cud thoughtfully. Would Holly decide to go for the glamour and glitter? Yes, she would! Hurray, for Holly would!

12. Holt lowed contentedly, sensing that his plan had succeeded. He shuffled slowly towards a large door at the far end of the room. As he opened the door, Holly could see past him into the room beyond. The floor was completely covered with hay. And in the middle of the hay was a croissant. No, wait, it was a roll! Harsh reality suddenly struck Holly. That's what this was all about - a roll in the hay!

13. Holly recoiled, "What do you think I am, some cheap piece of meat?" Holt leered at her knowingly, "You know what they say, Babe, why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free."

14. Holly now knew Holt's line was just a lot of bull. Her heart sank, she wasn't going to be a star after all. But wait, Holly remembered all those wonderful people in South Dakota. They had already made her a star, or at least that is what they told her. Something about her picture being on the internet. She wondered just what this internet thing was, and why her picture. Was it her own "Pastures of Dreams?" Just maybe she should return back home, those pastures were looking greener already.

15. Deftly Holly slipped away from Holt. Grabbing her (feed) bag, she ran out the door and hailed a cab. "To the airport, and mooooooove it."

16. When Holly got to the airport she had to go through security. A young inexperienced security guard was concerned that she wouldn't fit in the walk through scanner but the man in charge said "Don't worry, all you have to do is make sure she goes past your eyes".

17. After passing through security, Holly stopped at an information booth. "Excuse me, could you tell me where I find BovineAir Flight 2000". The attendant behind the counter eyed her warily, then answered, "Of course, just go straight to the end of this hallway. The gateway will be on your right."

18. "Thank You," Holly replied. As she walked down the hallway, she noticed that there were more and more bovines in the area. She reached her gate when they started calling for her flight to start boarding. She proceeded to go through the gate. Immediately, Holly senced something was wrong, deadly wrong. There was no plane, but there was plenty of barbed wire.

19. "I guess now I will finally find out what kind of actress I COULD have been" Holly thought. "Don't panic! What would agent 2000 do in this situation?" Coyly she winked at the attendant standing at the gate. "Coffee, tea, or me?"

20. Holly could tell even as she uddered the words that the attendent was wise to her scheme. Maybe she wasn't cut out for acting after all. Her sense of fear and anticipation grew as she got nearer and nearer to the front of the line. Desperation over took her. Maybe the attendent would accept a bribe. "Yes, that's it," Holly thought, "I'll offer him money." Holly bowed her head in shame. Is this what she'd become? Was this the cost of fame? Was her greatest fear becoming reality? Had a history of co-dependency in the pasture finaly taken it's toll? Was she actually becoming.....a cashcow?

21. "In any case, this isn't a very a-moo-sing way to spend my time. If I cud only think of some udder thing to do. . ." she sighed.

22. "Wait!" Holly exclaimed, remembering that her 'boss'y had confided in her the day she departed on her adventure: "Agent M007, we've acquired a special (very secret) gadget to save your spots when you're in a pickle." Holly reached into her feed bag and in 20 seconds her Amiga computer was morphing her into a ... guard!

23. When the attendant turned around a dewy-eyed guard was standing in place of the bovine. "Oh!" he exclaimed,"I didn't hear you walk up,ma'am . . . HEY! where'd the cow go! I've got to call for backup! The cow's escaped!"
"I've got it covered." Holly said and rushed out of the area.She felt guilty for leaving the other cows behind destined for a steak fate,but her's was a special mission. For Holly was no ordinary cow she was secrect agent M007 of Her Moojesty's Secret Service!

24. As Holly retreated from the food preperation staging area, she was thankful that her flesh would not contribute to another bad airplane meal.

25. Agent M007, now free from her would be fate as airline food, hurried her way towards the exit. Still disguised as the guard, she walked calmly out the door, went around the corner, and slipped into a phonebooth she had spotted. Inside, she got on the horn to Her Moojesty's Secret Service.